Today I stepped out of fear and into faith.
As you can see from my earlier blog posts, I could feel the continued tug of the Holy Spirit nudging me towards doing the video blog. Last night I went to a CR meeting and was having a conversation with God about my fears of doing a video blog. They are the same fears that I felt back in the day when I was asked to give my testimony the first few times. I had to work through many self-doubts and self-image issues to step foot up in front of people. Over the years, this has become more comfortable. Almost easy, I would say. But in March, the minute my dear friend (and Pastor’s wife) Anne suggested a video blog, I panicked. What would people think? What would they say? I’m nowhere near as small as I’d like to be. I have no idea what I would say, or how it would turn out. I might be pretty good at writing, but speaking? Without reading what I’ve written? Are you kidding me? Whispers and lies from the devil were bombarding me from all sides. So I stalled. I didn’t do anything for a while. Until lately, but still, not the video blog. Anything but the video blog.
A few years ago I attended a leadership conference at my church and it was at the time I was reminded that God had purposed my life to tell my story. He brought back the memory of the day long ago when that woman told me I’d be telling my story one day. I have said before, at that leadership event, I remember sitting in that room, crying as the Holy Spirit gently called my name and whispered “remember” and then, they played the song “I’m No Longer a Slave To Fear” and I cried even more as I knew that it was fear that had been holding me back from being purposeful in sharing my testimony. Sure, I had shared it randomly but from that day forward, I made it a point to reach out to other Celebrate Recoveries and offer to give my testimony. Then came the women’s conference at the church which was such a huge blessing.
These days, I’m giving my testimony as often as the chance arises and of course now I have this website and I am purposeful about passing out my cards and inviting people to view it. But last night, as I sat at my meeting, feeling the fear all over again about this video blog, I was asking God for the courage to just do it. To forget my fears, my insecurities and my doubts and to trust Him. And God, in His amazing love and continued guidance, gave the band one more song to play before we closed out and my knees buckled as the singer got up and said “We serve a mighty God, because of that, We are no longer slaves to fear, let’s sing about that” and they proceeded to play the very song that God used years ago. I may have thought the video blog would come “eventually” but after last night, I knew there was no way I could wait. To wait would be disobedient and I most certainly don’t want that. I have NO IDEA what His plan is for this website, or this video blog but what I do know is, without being faithful and taking the step that He so pointedly showed me yet again, I would be missing out on part of my growth to get me to wherever it is He is wanting me to go. Things may be good now, but I refuse to let fear hold be me back from the best God has for me. I will step up. I will step out and I will step with God, wherever He wants to take me.
Praying that as you join me in this journey, you will find the courage to continue walking with God, even when you are full of fear!