As I sit down to type out my thoughts, I am overwhelmed with the truth of all the thoughts that want to flow from my fingertips. God has been and continues to show me every single day, hour, minute and moment that He can be trusted with EVERY SINGLE PART of my life.
There are so many examples I can give, leading up to this past week. Two of the biggest I can recall dealt with relationships and a job.
I was married and divorced within a year back in 1990. Many years later, in 2009 my ex-husband came back into my life. I was able to make amends and extend forgiveness for what went down years ago. It was a very healing time in my life. During that, as the communication was received favorably, I thought… no, I felt I KNEW that God was calling He and I back together again. We dated again for six months with much talk about getting remarried. I was coming into a good place of healing and relationship with Jesus and I just remember continuing to thank God and ask Him to lead things this time around. It wasn’t long before some of our previous issues arose and things became strained. I remember the last phone conversation me and my ex-husband had was that we needed to talk in detail about what was going on. He assured me that we would, he told me that he loved me, that he wanted to be married to me again and would do whatever it took to make that happen and that he would be calling me that night to discuss.
It might not surprise you to know that I never heard from him again. Not once. Not ever. Let me be clear, I called him, I wrote him. I wrote his family, I did everything in my power to get him to respond and even today, in 2017, I have never heard another word from him.
Before you think the worst, he was alive and well and I saw through facebook several years ago that he had remarried to the woman that he was talking too during the time of our dating that caused the strain in the first place.
I share that to say that while it took me a while to get there, I came to a place where I had to accept that I had given my heart, my life, my choices over to the Lord and I came to understand that when circumstances all seem to be going where I want them to go, yet God comes back with a resounding NO, I just have to trust Him, even when I don’t understand it. It wasn’t until 2013 and I met my husband of today that I could fully understand that God completely knew what was best for me and had the ABSOLUTE BEST waiting for me. Had I had my way, I would have missed out on what I have now with my husband and I wouldn’t trade that for anything!!
The other similar circumstance pertained to a job. I was working at a decent job, making decent money but as a single mom had been praying for more. A new company opened up literally across the lake from where I was working and everyone was jumping ship. The buzz was all around how they were hiring anyone and everyone, with quite a decent pay raise. I watched as my coworkers left one by one, many of them not giving a two week notice as this company wanted them ASAP. Eventually I put my application in and started praying. I got an interview and it seemed to go well. Then I got the call that they wanted to offer me the job. I was thrilled! Here was my opportunity to provide more for my daughter! I didn’t want to put in my notice until it was finalized and I was told I would be receiving additional hire paperwork. I waited. And waited. And waited some more. After about two weeks, I called and they assured me they were working on it. I kept getting communication from the ones who were already over there, talking about how great it was and how much money they were making. I continued to work and pray and wait. After another two weeks, I reached out again and this time I was apologized to. They said that in the end they were not able to hire the last round of interviewees and that they would keep my name on file and if something ever came up they would give me a call.
I was devastated. What had just happened? I kept asking God what He was doing. But! I was able to recall the situation with my ex husband and I gave God thanks for whatever it was He was doing and continued at the job I had.
You know, God doesn’t have to give us a reason for anything He does. He is Sovereign and can say no anytime He wants. Just because He said so.
But He is a gracious loving Father and showed me about six months later why His way was better than mine.
The company that everyone thought was so great went right out of business. All the people that went over there were now without jobs and many were unable to return to the previous job due to the bridge they burnt when they left.
These two instances has stayed with me over the years that even when everything seems to be moving forward, that when all lights are green, if I ask and trust the Lord for His Will and Way, He will always do what is best for me.
Fast forward to today, this past few weeks. Our entire family had a situation in front of us where we felt God was leading us to go in a certain direction. My daughter and her father were going to be able to move into a seemingly nice area into a three bedroom trailer which would be plenty of room for them and the baby. Me, my husband and his mom were also going to move into the same area, our own three bedroom trailer, allowing us to cut our rent in half and take care of some much needed bills. There were so many things leading up to us considering that decision we felt it was truly God led but because of the lessons we have learned in our journey, we were all thanking God for what was in front of us but continually claiming that if something fell through at the last minute we knew it could only be the Wisdom of The Lord protecting us.
Needless to say, everything fell through in the last hour. In that moment, nothing made sense. How could all the signs be pointing forward, all the lights were green for go, yet the no still came. My daughter and her father were heartbroken but because of me and my husbands own experience with things like this, I stressed to them that truly, when things like this happen, it can only be God’s Hand and while we may never know why, we can certainly trust it is what is best for all of us.
Again, God does not have to tell us why. His no is perfectly enough.
However, because of His grace, we were given the answer the next morning when a dear friend of mine texted me to share some news about the place that we were all going to move into. It was not a safe neighborhood. It had been in the news many time and the reviews were agonizingly painful about how unsafe the place was. In that moment, I forwarded the text to my daughter and her father, encouraging them to never, ever, EVER doubt that when we give our lives, our hearts and our choices over to the care of God, He WILL do what is best for us.
Do you find this true in your life? Or maybe like me, before I grew into this trust I have for Him, I was afraid to give Him every decision. Oh, I might have given Him some of the decisions, but many times when it was something I really wanted or thought I deserved, I withheld asking Him for His hand. And even when I did ask, and received even the smallest no, I questioned Him over and over again as to why.
I am thankful for today, where I know without a doubt, that He holds the answer to every question or decision I am willing to put in front of Him. I pray that as you continue your journey in trust with Him that each time you will come closer to the absolute truth that His Way is ALWAYS better than our way, no matter what!