God’s best, not 2nd best

There have been so many times in my life I have settled. In relationships, health and in so many other areas. I was willing to sit in my circumstance and believe that there was no other option and that the reality I lived in was all that it ever was going to be. Why do we do this to ourselves?

Speaking from my own experiences, there were several reasons that caused me to live this way.

1. I was afraid of the unknown. While what I was smack dab in the middle of was not exactly what I wanted, it was easier to stay than to remove myself and step into the unforeseen. What if it wasn’t any better? What if what I stepped into was worse? What if I never found the next <fill in the blank>? What if people had unrealistic expectations of me?

2. I was afraid of positive change. I remember at times, dreaming about a positive future and what that could look like but then all I could see surrounding that, were the changes that I would need to make to bring it to pass. What if I failed? What if those around me didn’t support the changes I wanted to make? What would be expected of me, if things were different?

3. I listened to old tapes in my head. I let myself believe that my past defined me. I let the voices of school children from long ago tell me that I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough or skinny enough. I let voices from family members remind me that I would be so pretty if I would just lose a little bit of weight. I let every mistake made keep me fearful and believed the voices that told me that to try only means to fail again. I let every failed relationship be a reminder of the imperfect person that I am.

4. I didn’t know my worth in the eyes of the Lord. I let the world define my value. I let fear, insecurity and people pleasing be the driving force in my decisions instead of seeking out God, understanding the truth about who He is and who I am in Him. I settled for second best because I wasn’t fully understanding the truth of God’s word or the unconditional love, grace and redemption that He offered. I allowed my character to be compromised because I wasn’t modeling The One who died on the cross for me. I lost my moral compass because my eyes were fixed on fleshly wants and needs instead of to The One who holds all the answers. I allowed my chaotic thoughts to become actions which became my reality and failed to purposefully think on the truth of The Word and then act upon it.

Yes these are all things that I did that caused me to choose to settle. To settle for less than what God had for me. These days, I am FAR from perfect in these areas but I am getting better. I am no longer willing to settle for many things. Especially when it comes to my relationship with God, relationships with others and my value in those relationships. I finally know who I am IN Him.

My heart hurts when I see young adults or even grown adults, caught in the same insane cycle that held me captive for so long. I become even more certain that the quest God has placed on my heart, to share my testimony, to do this website, to offer hope and encourage others to live the life of freedom that God offers is an absolute MUST!

When I hear stories of the unmarried women around me sharing their heartache, yet choosing to stay in the situation; When I see the pain of betrayal in their eyes yet hear them excuse what was done; When I hear them voice the tapes of their past, refusing to believe it could be different, the depths of my soul cries out “Don’t Settle!” “You’re worth more than that!”

Oh how I long that they will see themselves through God’s eyes.

How I pray that they will recognize the need for God’s perspective instead of their fleshly one.

For those of us who have been there and have seen the triumph of The Lord, never stop sharing the need for God, His Son and the Glorious News of the Gospel.

Our world is filled with hurting people who in turn, hurt others. We have to resolve to pass along the victory to others. To let God’s redemptive power shine hope on the victory waiting for those who are watching. Satan wants nothing more than to stall the wave of hope that our togetherness brings. We have to stand firm in our mission, for our sisters and brothers, our nieces and nephews, our sons and daughters, our grandchildren. Our actions today, impact far into the future.

Never give up.

Keep fighting and trust that God will remove ALL of us from a place of settling for second best, to His glorious best and unending Freedom!

Slave to fear no more

Today I stepped out of fear and into faith.

As you can see from my earlier blog posts, I could feel the continued tug of the Holy Spirit nudging me towards doing the video blog. Last night I went to a CR meeting and was having a conversation with God about my fears of doing a video blog. They are the same fears that I felt back in the day when I was asked to give my testimony the first few times. I had to work through many self-doubts and self-image issues to step foot up in front of people. Over the years, this has become more comfortable. Almost easy, I would say. But in March, the minute my dear friend (and Pastor’s wife) Anne suggested a video blog, I panicked. What would people think? What would they say? I’m nowhere near as small as I’d like to be. I have no idea what I would say, or how it would turn out. I might be pretty good at writing, but speaking? Without reading what I’ve written? Are you kidding me? Whispers and lies from the devil were bombarding me from all sides. So I stalled. I didn’t do anything for a while. Until lately, but still, not the video blog. Anything but the video blog.

A few years ago I attended a leadership conference at my church and it was at the time I was reminded that God had purposed my life to tell my story. He brought back the memory of the day long ago when that woman told me I’d be telling my story one day. I have said before, at that leadership event, I remember sitting in that room, crying as the Holy Spirit gently called my name and whispered “remember” and then, they played the song “I’m No Longer a Slave To Fear” and I cried even more as I knew that it was fear that had been holding me back from being purposeful in sharing my testimony. Sure, I had shared it randomly but from that day forward, I made it a point to reach out to other Celebrate Recoveries and offer to give my testimony. Then came the women’s conference at the church which was such a huge blessing.

These days, I’m giving my testimony as often as the chance arises and of course now I have this website and I am purposeful about passing out my cards and inviting people to view it. But last night, as I sat at my meeting, feeling the fear all over again about this video blog, I was asking God for the courage to just do it. To forget my fears, my insecurities and my doubts and to trust Him. And God, in His amazing love and continued guidance, gave the band one more song to play before we closed out and my knees buckled as the singer got up and said “We serve a mighty God, because of that, We are no longer slaves to fear, let’s sing about that” and they proceeded to play the very song that God used years ago. I may have thought the video blog would come “eventually” but after last night, I knew there was no way I could wait. To wait would be disobedient and I most certainly don’t want that. I have NO IDEA what His plan is for this website, or this video blog but what I do know is, without being faithful and taking the step that He so pointedly showed me yet again, I would be missing out on part of my growth to get me to wherever it is He is wanting me to go. Things may be good now, but I refuse to let fear hold be me back from the best God has for me. I will step up. I will step out and I will step with God, wherever He wants to take me.

Praying that as you join me in this journey, you will find the courage to continue walking with God, even when you are full of fear!

Taking a mental B.A.T.H

Something I learned in my makeup business was how to take a mental BATH every single day. Bookings, Affirmations, Tapes and Hotline. It was very helpful in setting myself up for positive thinking and success.

Today, I’m going to borrow the acrostic, with a few changes, and apply it to where I am today. In doing these things, my eyes are being opened to the Glorious nature of my Heavenly Father. He has shown me that He paid a high price for me and that I belong to Him and because of that, I no longer live by my will, but respond to Him with an open heart and willing spirit.

By taking a mental BATH on a daily basis, it keeps me intensely focused on God and purposeful in my mission of personal ministry.

 B – Bible

A – Apply

T – Transform

H – Hope

 Bible – Studying The Word of the God is a must if I want to grow in Christ. I am absolutely unable to figure myself out if I don’t know who He is. It is imperative that I seek His face through The Word and come to know His character. I am committed to at least 30 minutes a day to not only reading, but studying His word.

Apply – Apply The Truth of His Word to my life. By listening and then taking action on what God speaks from the pages of the Bible, my perception of people and circumstances start to change right before my very eyes. As I take the next step that God puts in front of me, on a daily basis. As I am obedient to Him, on a daily basis, I am built up in Him little by little.

Transform – Allow God’s Word to live and breathe inside of me. Asking God to let it transform me from the inside out as I strive to be less self-centered and to think, act and talk better. Watching as it unfolds through my daily life and with time, stays the course and brings about changes that will break generational chains of bondage.

Hope – By sharing the insights that God reveals and the journey He guides me along, it reinforces my conviction that God is trustworthy and faithful as well as shines a beacon of hope to those who have travelled with me or watched from the sidelines. In walking out my faith publically and being purposefully transparent, it opens up the door for others to do the same.

 Hope is catching. My prayer is God will use the story He continually writes in me to spread an epidemic of Hope through my family, my friends and my community.

Stepping out

The below is a synopsis on how God has led and continues to lead me out of my comfort zone. It seems so incredibly simple listing it out as it is but when I look at the timeline starting in 2003 it amazes me to see what God has been up to, and honestly intrigues me (terrifies me?!) as to where He’s taking me next.

 You would be great selling makeup

Take God as your business partner

If they are within 3 feet of you, make them feel important

Everyone you meet, remember, you might not need them but they might need you

Remind yourself God has a plan and a purpose for your life

Celebrate recovery can change your life

 Give your testimony

Teach a lesson

Lead a group

Repeat

Remind yourself God has a plan and a purpose for your life

 Join the church

Say yes to God

Get involved

Grow

Grow

Grow

Remind yourself God has a plan and a purpose for your life

 Share your story at the women’s conference

Be encouraged to do a video blog

Take a break

Procrastinate

Stall

Remind yourself God has a plan and a purpose for your life

Plan a Bible study

Turn the Bible study into a one day event

Decide to do a personal ministry website with a written blog

Share

Plan another one day event

Remind yourself God has a plan and a purpose for your life

Pray for direction on how to do the video blog

List Video Blog coming soon on the website

Talking to myself on purpose

Words are powerful.  When God created the universe, He SPOKE it into existence. And He created us in His image.

The words we speak can bring about life or death. 

 Proverbs 18:21 (NIV)

21 The tongue has the power of life and death,

and those who love it will eat its fruit.

 I am desperate to speak life!

 I spent many years in a chaotic mess because of the words that came out of my mouth due to the thoughts I would allow myself to think.  I told myself I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, or smart enough. I claimed my circumstances as though they always would be. I told myself I would never find someone to love me, I would never have good friends, I would never have money, I would never escape the fear that surrounded me.  I believed the lies of the devil and let him continually remind me that I wasn’t perfect, that I made mistakes and that I was beyond having good things happen to me. 

It took time and a commitment to purposefully change how I thought and spoke but I finally SILENCED the father of lies and began listening to what my Heavenly Father said about me. 

I began to speak out His Word by Faith and claim the promises that He had for me.

I began claiming my identity in Him in thought and speech. Reminding myself I am a daughter of The King. That He has good things in store for me and that He has a purpose and a plan for my life, to take me from where I had been into His FREEDOM.

I started waking up and asking Him for blessings on my day. Reminding myself moment by moment that He loved me and would not forsake me.

I stopped complaining about the things that I felt were going wrong and started speaking about the things that were going right.  

I stopped destroying my life with my own words and began letting the words of God’s truth pour over me.

 This has taken time but it has changed my life. Understanding that my thoughts become words and my words become my reality.  I’ve come to realize that I can’t live above my confession and unless my confession comes from the Word of God, I will stay in the chaos of unrest.